The Subtle Art of Procrastination…
Everyone is familiar with it, that nagging feeling that you have something more important to focus your attention on, and yet…”ugh I don’t want to, you can put that off until later” comes creeping into your head. It starts with a simple, diversion “oh I just need to check my email” but then it becomes a untamable monster that leaves you wondering where your day went… “oh well, I’ll try again tomorrow.”
If you haven’t experienced this mix of dread, anxiety, boredom, and guilt, the most wonderful of cocktails, then who are you, what planet is your origin, and is it too late for me to become one of you kind?
I mean seriously, I know I need to get those things done. I know that I will feel soooooo much better if I just put my nose to the grindstone and knocked it out. Yet here I am sitting in this pool of negative emotions overwhelming my will to move forward with the task at hand. I just can’t do it, I can’t finish my grad school apps (oops, did I just write that?)
UGH, I need tighter deadlines (my apps don’t have true deadlines which is proving to be a larger problem than I initially anticipated.) I’ve determined that I am a being who needs challenges, goals, problems to solve. I need someone else driving me, because I’m useless with just my GPS and my car. My current dilemma- prime example.
I started my grad school apps back in AUGUST!!! Like over half a year ago. I’ve filled out the demographic information, I’ve attached my resumé, my transcripts are in…then there’s the final steps I can’t seem to push myself forward. I have my art portfolio at least put together, but each school requires a different number of images, which means I have to limit myself. How do I pick the top 8 images of my life’s work, or instead of 15 how do I bring it down to 12 (big difference believe me)??? Then there’s the personal statement, statement of purpose, the purpose statement (my god how many different ways we can phrase the same essay?!) I have it written out, I literally just have to change the ending to be specialized for each program I want to apply to, the little quip that tells them I read through their website, or visited their campus, that I did my homework. BUT I CAN’T DO MY HOMEWORK!!!!
I mean if I can’t accomplish this one little step…what does that say about my ability to actually perform in my impending grad school classes? What is wrong with me???
I guess this has to do with my fear of the future, I’m scared of this uncertainty, this big change and life step. I’m ready to go, I really want to go, yet I freeze on the edge, looking out at the great unknown and …. hey look a squirrel, oh I need to look up some old tv show series I used to follow and really need to pick back up watching it now, or why don’t I just scroll mindlessly through FaceBook for hours!!
Please know that if you too are suffering from this procrastination curse that you are not alone, you are appreciated in your ability to avoid work, life choices, or whatever else you have going on. But also know that eventually inspiration will indeed strike. Who knows, maybe a silly blog post you decided to write to get out your frustrations will be the little push you need to actually get back to finishing your task at hand. 😉
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU GOT THIS, GO CHANGE THE WORLD WITH WHATEVER MUNDANE OR GRAND TASK YOU NEED TO ACCOMPLISH!